Dealing With Death

Ask any Harry Potter fan who “The Grim” is and they’ll tell you it is what Professor Trelawney refers to as “death”.  In several Harry Potter books, this particular professor, whose talent is foretelling the future (though not with guarantee of accuracy), has seen the signs that foretell what she believes to be Harry’s death.  She becomes  so consumed with the belief that Harry will die, he dreads seeing her because each time he does, she shares her “divinations” about it. 

Today the kids had their first experience with death.  Del’s grandfather, who we call Ito because Del couldn’t pronounce abuelito (Spanish for grandpa) when he was little, passed away early in the morning, but we decided not to tell the kids until they returned from school.  They actually had a half day today, so when Del picked them up, he also got them some lunch.  I assumed we would let them eat their lunch first, so they could actually enjoy it, but for some reason Del decided to tell them before they started eating.  Don’t ask me why.  I came out of the bathroom after washing my hands to find Chase crying.  Felicity, showing her true Native American stoic nature, accepted the fact that her great-grandfather was getting old and had not been feeling well, so it seemed natural to her that he would one day die.  She is like Del in that regard.  There was sadness, but no tears were shed.  Nick, of course, is too young to understand what had happened.  Chase, though, is my sensitive soul.  He cried and cried as Felicity and I consoled him and explained to him why it is better for Ito now and that he is in heaven with Jesus.  He settled down and managed to eat half his lunch before his inquisitive side took over.  Why did he die?  Where did he die?  Where is he now?  Will we ever see him again?  What happened to his body when he died? 

Of all three kids, he is the one most preoccupied with death.  He’s always telling us how sad he would be if any of us died and how afraid he is of dying.  He’s afraid it’s going to hurt, and afraid in general of crossing over to the other side.  I tell him Jesus will be there for him, and I’ll probably already be in heaven, so I’ll be there waiting for him, too.  That sometimes seems to satisfy him, but for someone so young, he does think about it more than he should. 

Tonight at the rosary we said for Ito, the suggestion came up for Chase to be a mini pall bearer.  Although it was made more in gest than anything else, Chase is taking the idea seriously and keeps asking when he will be carrying Ito’s box.  I’m not sure how he’s going to handle the funeral.  Some people might think he’s a little young for a funeral, but we’re all going and there isn’t anyone else who’d be available to watch him.  Most likely, everything will be in Spanish, though, so he might not be as affected just for lack of understanding what everyone is saying.  Felicity sat next to me tonight at the rosary, ready to pray, but as soon as they started the prayers in Spanish, she took off.  She only knows a handful of words.

As a child, I never experienced death.  All of my great-grandparents and one grandfather had passed away before I was born.  It was rare for anyone to have a great-grandparent in those days.  My first true experience with death was about 15 years ago, when I lost both of my grandmothers within a few months of each other.  I remember how sad I was, but at least I had an understanding of what was going on.  To tell the truth, I would probably be more upset now if it hadn’t been for a book I recently read, Heaven Is For Real, by Todd Burpo.  In it, his 4 year old son, Colton, describes his visit to heaven and tells Todd things no 4 year old would ever know; about Jesus, about what heaven looks like, about the baby his mother miscarried, about meeting his great-grandfather, who passed away before Colton was even born.  He tells of the happiness he felt while in heaven and how he didn’t want to leave.  And he talks about Jesus, how He was there for him, and how he calmed Colton when he was scared.  After reading this, I have an image of heaven as being a truly happy place and a warm feeling in my heart whenever I picture Jesus there.  It’s an image I can picture, thanks to Colton, where as before it was such an abstract it was hard to imagine what to expect.  Hopefully I can convey that inner peace to Chase and use it to comfort the family members who are grieving their loss.

So, farewell, Ito.  You will always remain in our minds and our hearts.  We love you and know we will see you again one day.