You Know You've Been A Mom Too Long When...

When I became a mother, I knew I would be doing the obvious: taking care of the kids, feeding them, giving them baths, etc.  What I never considered was how it would it would change my world beyond that.  The scary thing is that you don’t even notice the changes until it’s too late to change things back to the way they used to be. 

How do you know you’ve been a mom too long?  Take a look and see if any of the following applies to you.  And feel free to add your own things to the list!

Poop talk.  Expect poop to be a regular subject of your daily conversation pretty much until your child is potty trained.  You’ll count how many poopy diapers your baby has had, how gross or hard or runny the poop is, how many days it’s been since he or she last pooped, and when the solid foods start, what color and smell the poop has.  You can sniff out a poopy diaper from way across the room.  You become so immune to talking about poop that it won’t even gross you out.  You’ll talk about it at the dinner table without even flinching.  You’ll learn how to tell that your child is pooping in his or her diaper.  Then when you graduate to potty training, you end up talking about whether or not your child successfully pooped on the potty, how many times they’ve pooped on the potty, and how can you get them to poop on the potty.  It never ends.

You suddenly grow 1,000,000 sets of eyes.  You’ll become amazed at your ability to see a million things at the same time.  You’ll even develop the sense to “see” when your kids are doing things without even looking at them.  I remember the moment I caught all three kids doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing.  I scolded all three of them in a single breath. 

The Disney Channel is the most watched TV channel in the house.  This holds true for pretty much any channel that airs animated shows.  It’s sad when someone asks me if I saw a recent event on the news, and my answer is, “No, but I can tell you what happened on the new episodes of Hannah Montana and Phineas and Ferb.”  With three kids in the house, I’ve given up.  I generally don’t get to watch any grown up programs until after the kids are in bed.  We’ve gotten them to start watching The Amazing Race and Dancing With The Stars, so the nights those shows are on are our family viewing nights, and we’ll watch them together.  I like for them to watch The Amazing Race because it exposes them to different countries and cultures.  Actually watching the performances on Dancing With The Stars can sometimes be challenging, though,  because of course, the kids are doing their own versions of the dances during the show.  When Chase says, “Mommy, come be my partner,” how can I turn down such a lovely request? 

You call your mother or your husband “sweetie”.  Whatever affectionate name you call your kids becomes natural to use with whoever you’re talking to, including the teller at the bank. 

You listen to Radio Disney while you’re in the car … by yourself.  Of course, the kids will insist on listening to Radio Disney whenever we’re in the car.  The scary part is that I’m so used to hearing it that after I drop the kids off at school, I still keep it on without even realizing it.  By the time I remember  to change the station to something I want to hear, I’m already home.  And because I listen to it so much, I know the words to most of the songs they play.  I can even recognize a lot of the artist’s voices.  And to make matters worse, several of the artists have recorded remakes of the songs I grew up listening to.  But I don’t care how many times someone records “Can’t Touch This” — M.C. Hammer will be the only person who sounds best singing it.  Just doesn’t sound natural otherwise.